Me And My Bird
I am alone in my lovely sitting room.
Or at least, when I say I'm alone I'm not really alone
In my sitting room.
Because I'm not alone!
I am sharing my room with a bird.
Not an attractive female who may have been invited
To share some quality time with me.
But a real bird.
A feathered bird.
Which may be a female but then maybe it isn't.
It might be a pigeon but it may be a rook.
Or even a crow.
I don't know because I can't see it.
Because it's in the chimney.
And any moment now it'll be in my sitting room -
Covered in soot.
And spreading it around my sitting room.
As it looks for a way out.
And as I look for a way of getting it out.
Why is it in my chimney?
Because there's no wire at the top of my chimney.
That would have cost money.
And there's never enough money for the little things.
So when birds land on the top of my chimney
Some loose their step.
And fall down the chimney.
And can't get out again.
At least, not the way they came -
Down the chimney.
But possibly out into the sitting room.
If they can find the gap -
Between the edge of the fireplace and the wooden sheet
That's supposed to block it.
But it may not find the gap.
In which case it'll stay there
Getting weaker and weaker
And then it'll expire.
Which will be the end of the bird.
But it won't be the end of the bird.
Because it'll rot.
And then start to stink
And I'll have to open up the wooden sheet
To get the dead bird out.
But at least it won't spread the soot
Around my lovely sitting room.